Monday, April 23, 2012

Do I Fear Success?

I got a rejection today. One of the bad kind where she just said, this is not for me, but good luck. The things was, I didn't really feel that upset about it. Sure I had a moment when I opened the email and though, maybe she liked it, but when I saw the short email I felt almost nothing.

It made me wonder if I should have felt more disappointed or upset, instead of just resigned. I have been told many times that I am going to get hundreds of rejections so maybe I was just prepared.

But when I read a blog post that talked about how hard the world of writing is, and then felt relieved, it made me wonder. Am I afraid of succeeding? I read an article that said fear of success is subconscious and we are almost always unaware of it.

How many times do I sabotage myself in all areas of my life, because I am afraid I might be good at it? Am I afraid that high expectations will be put on me? Expectations I can't live up to? Is it easier to drift along in a mediocre life and keep the dream alive that I could be doing better, but I choose not to? Honestly, I don't know.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Being a Mom

I didn't want this blog to be a mommy blog, but I find myself wondering if it so important to stay away from them. For one thing, not many read this, and for another, I don't feel like it will be successful if I don't write about things I want to write about. And today I want to write about being a stay at home mom.

I was a latch key kid, and it was very traumatic for me. I hated coming home to an empty house and being alone all summer long. I judged my mom for not staying home-swore I would never work while my kids are young.

For the most part, this has been a good decision. I liked being home when they get home, being a part of their school lives as well. But I find myself wondering again, what now? I am almost 35 years old and have nothing (on a personal level) to show for it. I mean, I work at a daycare making peanuts and watching other peoples kids. Not exactly what I pictured when I looked into my future.

I understand why my mom went back to work. First of all the money would be very nice, but beyond that, she needed to define herself outside of the roll of mom. Sure I have hobbies and other interests, but really- mom is all I really know.

I guess I will continue to ponder it and hopefully find the solution. If there is one.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

As You Wish.....

I've been reading a book lately that has some similar themes and ideas as my book. The problem is, I didn't really like it. This of course made me worry, is my book boring? I figured out the problem with this book and I am hoping I didn't make the same mistakes.

This other book didn't make you work for the payoff. I am going to use the princess bride to explain what I mean. Not only because it is one of my favorites but also because it written so perfectly.

Wesley has to work hard for his eventual payoff. I mean think about it- the girl is constantly taunting him, and he just keeps doing anything she wants. When he finally gets her, he is kidnapped by pirates and almost killed. Once he gets back to her, she engaged to a king, and unattainable again. He gets her back only to brave the fire swamp and then as he survives that- he ends up in the pit of despair. After all that, he gets killed by the evil king. But as we know, death cannot stop true love, plus he was only mostly dead. He ends up getting the girl but man did he have to work for it.

This try and fail cycle makes the payoff so much sweeter. I think it might be one of the secrets to truly great stories, and why trilogies are so popular. Reading through three books makes us really work for the happily ever after, or not depending on what you are reading.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Sport is so much drama

My husband often complains about drama, usually when talking about women. Not me of course, but just in general. Sure women do tend to have overt drama, with our tears and such, but I have discovered something about men recently.

They just hide their dramatic side better. Every time I went to the gym for two weeks straight the sports channels were on and on about Peyton Manning. Where is he going to go? All this speculation and gossip was enough to make me roll me eyes, over and over. There are several radio stations devoted to the propagation of gossip about the sports world. Talk radio anyone?

So I encourage men to broaden their drama appreciation and watch a chick flick now and then. And seriously reconsider calling us the drama queens all the time.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The First Three? Impossible

When I look into sending out query letters, most of them ask for the first three chapters to go with it. I have done everything I can to make those chapters the very best they can be, but I still don't feel like they are enough.

I have been editing my book, trying to take out any super modern language, and I am in the final few chapters. It doesn't matter how many times I read it, I can't stop reading when it gets to the end. I also have significantly less editing at that point. The story seems to just flow so freely, everything coming together, it is by far the strongest part of the book. And I feel like my best writing.

So how am I suppose to sell it on my first few chapters? When is this ever the best part of a book? Seems like a no win situation and I just wish I could get them to read the end. I know they would love it then.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Hunger Games : The Movie Was Better

I cringe when I say this because the movie is never better, but I really thought it was this time.

The main reason was because, for me, the book was written in the wrong point of view. I couldn't get a good read on Katnis, and consequently didn't really like her, from her own point of view. Not to mention the fact that it took all of the surprise out, (Um, I think she wins). I think it would have been better if an outsider was telling about her so we could see how everyone sees her, and not how she sees herself.

The other reason was because I found it very revealing to see what the capital, and Hemich, were doing during the games. I understood everything so much better seeing it from their perspective.

The odd thing is, I write from first person. It's makes me wonder if I should, but I can't seem to help myself. Not only is it almost all I read, but it is also very popular in the YA genre, and I just like it. Makes me wonder if I should change my mind. (That is on my next book, of course).