I got a rejection today. One of the bad kind where she just said, this is not for me, but good luck. The things was, I didn't really feel that upset about it. Sure I had a moment when I opened the email and though, maybe she liked it, but when I saw the short email I felt almost nothing.
It made me wonder if I should have felt more disappointed or upset, instead of just resigned. I have been told many times that I am going to get hundreds of rejections so maybe I was just prepared.
But when I read a blog post that talked about how hard the world of writing is, and then felt relieved, it made me wonder. Am I afraid of succeeding? I read an article that said fear of success is subconscious and we are almost always unaware of it.
How many times do I sabotage myself in all areas of my life, because I am afraid I might be good at it? Am I afraid that high expectations will be put on me? Expectations I can't live up to? Is it easier to drift along in a mediocre life and keep the dream alive that I could be doing better, but I choose not to? Honestly, I don't know.